Dussehra Dilemma

What if the person in front of you

is not expecting you to realize your mistake 

What if they want you to burn

To burn and to cry

What if they are just looking for revenge

What if they are trying to wash their own sins

By throwing you in the sea

What do you do?

Will you too create an arrow?

 With countless names in your head

Will you too aim it at Ravan?

Because only he seems to be able to take it all.

A lot of money but no overcoat

In the middle of an isolated street

Well, filled with known faces

Eyes continuously searching for similarity

Wearing a tiny lace all over

Slowly uncovering the secrets

The patches of delusion

Mixed with reds and blues of reality

Cigarette in cold hands

And ashes on the ground

You could feel the wind against your face

The teeth chattering and lips shivering

A lot of money but no overcoat

Intertwined

There are many problems in the world today. From highly self centered issues to the national and international social problems, all these issues have found space in our agendas in some or the other way. Sometimes I wonder whether I would be able to understand even one of them to the fullest, but then again my mind jumps from one to another like that on a trampoline. After all, empathy has its pros and cons. People say that you are confused, you need to specialize in one and achieve that one goal. They are right maybe. Or maybe this is just another way to tame the 'over ambitious'?

Why cant I do it all ? Well , I tried. I tried to understand different issues, sometimes for a few months, sometimes for a couple of hours. And this has being going on for the past couple of years. I am very young, very naïve for the world, but then again I know one thing for sure now, no issue is a separate issue. They are all intertwined.

As scary as it can get, the mere idea of this web can give you goosebumps, so hard that it would pluck your hair out. It is as scary as the thought of whats beyond the universe as we know it. Many times I try to talk to people about this. In their proper senses, some nod and wave it off by saying “ ab main kya kar sakti hoon” (what can I do now), Its not a question but  the sign of instantly giving up in the beginning itself. Some  declare that there are ‘bigger’ problems that need attention. Agrrr ! 

For example - we have seen Hardcore Environmentalists and Hardcore Economists fighting over what is more important - Poverty alleviation or stopping global warming. Do they not see that both are very important, both need attention. Can't the Economist see that when global warming hits crops supply then the situation of the poverty ridden will get even worse and cant the Environmentalist see that the eco friendly stoves that he is trying to sell in the village are not affordable. I wish i had the podium to make them see. One day, i will.

We need a "win win " situation. No one goes down please.

I think my bong hit friends will respond to this in the best way. Thank goodness I don’t need booze or bong to 'see'. 

Floating Balloon

I am a floating balloon

My string filled with fragrances of different places,

of muddy mountains and of deep waters 

Every day my yellow meets the yellow of sun

Every night i change into the moon like a ghost

The air within me, makes me stand, makes me stay

The air around me shows me the highs and lows

When an awestruck child looks up to me

i maneuver and make him laugh, make him happy

Some tap and push me down into the dense well

Some give me a new direction with a sudden blow

When i am full of air, i arrogantly reach the point to burst

Other times wind makes me run away, far away

Always getting out of one circle, only to get into another one

Endless circles, there is no pause, no halt

Choosing individualism, choosing loneliness

Never lingering in one hand 

Alone, I make, Alone, I break

From The Vault #3

I read The Fountainhead for the first time in early 2010. Revisited it a few days back. Even though this piece is not at all related to the theme of the book, but it definitely is one of those major moments that I could relate to. Perhaps many can relate to it. 

i stare at random stuff around
i don’t blink
i am not thinking a thing
salt water rolls down

if someone interrupts i get sick
i feel like breaking everything around.
i clench my teeth
and close my eyes
that moment is gone.....

but it comes again another day
i never release what i'm staring at
its abyss, its void
its the moment of peace
which cant be attained if i try.
it comes naturally
and that is when i feel nothing
no pain, no love, no bonds and no life
i wonder if that's how death feels like

P.S. Dug this out of my email drafts today while cleaning up. Corrected a few grammatical errors. Also, 'Salt water' was previously 'Tears' but thats not what I had meant so changed it. 

Whats up universe?

Earthquake shook us today. Apparently, strongest tremors in the last 100 years. ‘Is the world ending?’ most of us ask but universe never responds directly in your face. Does it?

What is the point in becoming an environmentalist if it has to backlash at us every time? I guess the main idea is that you cannot run and you cannot hide. Maybe you can migrate or maybe you can make them, big metal submarines like the movies show. A lot of us are working to save what’s left, maybe it is because we care too damn much about the inhuman humankind or maybe some of us are mighty earthlings, trying to save our cocoon. There are and will always be a lot of ifs, buts and maybes in trying to understand the course of nature but sometimes blurting it out unconsciously gives us a blurry picture of the course of the universe. What you’re about to read is that blurry picture that flashed in front of me few days back.

--------------

“Why are you boys and girls like this? “, asked my friend’s dad.

I was at a conference discussing environmental issues of India and the world and he had come to give company to his daughter. For a few seconds I was confused. Generally we hear such question in context of us, today’s generation, because of our dare devil obnoxious attitude.

“Sir, why are we like what? “, I asked, keeping myself ready with a few lines on Human rights.

“As in, why are you people so interested in societal and environmental issues? We were never like that. Today most of you young people are into this, how did this change happen?”

I had never thought about it before. How could I? I was not alive when my parents were my age. Hence the answer I gave to him was totally new, unthought-of, from the unconscious mind.  

“Sir, I think this is because of the different generations and the situations we all have been in” I declared.

“How ?” He asked simply.

“Well let’s take an example of three generations exclusively in context of India, grandparents as Number 1, Parents which includes you as Number 2 and your daughter and me as the youth of today as Number 3.

 Now if we closely look at the early years of number 1, it includes freedom struggle, lack of opportunities, traditional constraints like castes and economical issues. The main aim for number 1 was to get past these, for it was the basic right of a human in the developing world. They were relatively simpler people without much access to the outer world and hence not much of a multi dimensional view.

 When number 2 arrived, the freedom was achieved. The outsiders left them with a lot to grasp, igniting curiosity to explore. Opportunities came in with new governance and various worldly revolutions. The push that number 2 had received from their parents was to make it big in life. Number 2 had seen poverty with parents and wanted to get rid of it. The lands were easily available. It was tough but businesses could be started and monopoly could be easily achieved. Economics came into the picture and gave number 2 want they lusted for in their early days. Liberalisation and globalisation opened doors leading to gazillion unexplored places.

Number 3 were born with a silver spoon in their mouth. There is luxury of riding on a rickshaw , in a car or a plane. Things are ‘available ‘at their disposal. The world was explored by their parents and is in front of them through pictures. Pocket money is in and splurging is normal. Social networking brought the multidimensional era forward. Number 3 has the time to look past traditions. There is no need to fight for food, clothing and shelter. Parents take care of everything. There is not much to hurry for. Number 3 is the privileged one and hence has a wider vision and that’s where they can see past self. (Not all of this is true for everyone of course but this can be the reason for increased interest in development sector)

This, sir, is maybe why we are the way we are. “

My friend’s dad did not argue, he smiled and agreed with me.

------------------

We may think that we are here to change things. Maybe things are changing or maybe nature is taking its own course. Maybe it is high time we pay attention to the universe after centuries of self obsession. I may be wrong but I can be right too. What do you think?

All in all

Burst out, take a spring sip

The salt from the eyes will go through the broken desert

It will start raining, raining on the living

Not so uncomfortable in a lake

Swimming is easy as long as the water is still

However the waterfall will hurt

Rivers are going to force your flow

Inevitably towards the deep

Once there, drown if you want

Evaporate if you can

Reach the clouds and shake the thunder away

Once full, give yourself up

Give yourself up for others

Fall into them

Let them soak every bit of you

Let everything go, dissolve.

From the Vault #2

Magical imprints on her

Talking to the wind with swirling curves

Knocks on the door of purity

Blinded by love and faith

Tranquility is not the major feature

Hurdles are many

Lost is a lot

Saved is none

Still blinded by faith and love

Keeps walking in the meadows of madness

When it is time to think straight

Imagination begins to talk

She asks him to sit beside

And wait for her to finish what never started

From the Vault #1

The garden of flowers
and thorns and bushes
weakness of the mind
pumps right through the heart
throw me in the water
whether to swim
or to drown
will be decided either through
the tides or the sounds.

I wrote this long time back and called it 'Liquid Soul Melting Further'. This small piece defines that situation in life where you want to be left on your own and still want support. Its when only true inspiration can bring you back. 

Understanding 'Maturity'

Who is a mature person?

  

Mature person is someone who lives and lets everyone around live peacefully.

Alright, I understand that this is someone living in solitude. Can we talk about reality? Who is considered mature in the real world?

Well, that is someone who has his strategy ready, who knows when to speak and what to speak, who is always on a cautious mode. When you ask “who is considered to be mature”, this is what the person who seems mature to everyone really is. 

But what is maturity really?

That my dear is a tricky one. No one is perfect. We try to be someone we are not. Caution makes you a machine. Your goodness won’t give you the title of maturity. Maturity is either a word, misinterpreted or a nonexistent characteristic.

That confuses me even more.

Maybe it is a conspiracy to make you confused. Like they say all the time  “ Do as I tell you because you are not mature”.

So is it related to age? Do people hit maturity just like puberty?

A 40 year old can be a mindless idiot so why can’t a 4 years old be mature?

My reason for writing this entry was to understand this over used and abused word ‘maturity’. I actually had a long conversation about this with my friend recently. I haven’t completely understood what it actually means. Maybe I am not mature enough or maybe this is a totally mindf***king topic.

P.S. - Did you just judge me because of the slang i used?

My Random Thoughts

Do you realise when you let go off of the things you wanted for a life time? Its just like heaviness that leaves numbness, its gone but you can still feel the non existing weight. And to get back to your senses, you got shake a little. :)

Slowly everyone's becoming a machine which can only operated upon. Forgetting that soul and strength, flesh and bones have capabilities of their own. Bloody robots!

When you voluntarily work on Sundays, they call you stupid. What they don't realize is that you never cry about Monday blues ! ;)

Difference btwn children n adults. Children wil listen to you if you give them right facts. Adults will listen to you only if they want to.


Almost every child is a pole dancer, natural instinct, so why call the profession dirty? 

Tweet thought thread !

Its weird how we are afraid of the mere thought that heavy days might get over. Sadness causing solace. wtf !

Sometimes i get a feeling, its not the mind but the heart thats stubborn. How about injecting it with anesthesia? Numb should be good.

But the affect will go away in sometime and you will find yourself in a weird, awkward situation, then what?

Inject again? But don't things just go resistant? At one point that might not work as well. Then what?
Cut the heart out? Then you'll have to cut every big or small connection around you as well. Become a stone?

Become a stone and then either someone will break his fist trying to hit you or just break your neck with a hammer.

No one would like it, i am sure. Well, plan cancelled :) Heart, you are a lucky bastard ! :D

No name

Sitting in the balcony

My eyes watch spring

Mind says its winter

Heart sings a summer song

Within the walls to hide yourself

Make holes to watch through

Even though the wall is just five feet tall

Its called escapism

Nurturing in my insides

like weeds in the field

Thorns and stones hurt you again and again

Some make you bleed

Some bring you back to your senses

All is for a reason, a reason we don’t like

Thoughts stuck at a point since

stubbornness knows no practicality

Washing the mud away from your feet,

on the seashore where the dirt comes back

Walking carefully and slowly to not make noise

But how will you hide from the ants

This life is so beautiful

So beautiful, its hard to digest the fact

We go all our way to destroy it

Destroy it with our minds, hearts and hands.

NO ONE KILLED HEMRAJ

And no one cares!

  

And why will anyone? Because, it is all about "Justice for Aarushi".

I am not against Aarushi but I kind of expected some pity for Hemraj as well. Aarushi Talwar and her family servant Hemraj got murdered on the same night.  Since media has least interest in the poor and unattractive story subjects, Hemraj’s murder has not been in the spot light as much as Aarushi’s.

For the past one week I had been getting several messages for the Aarushi candlelight march. I was not sure if the march was worth it since this case is totally based on forensic evidences which have already been forged upon. But attending it and shouting for justice is any day better than sitting at home and playing the blame game. When I reached there, I found good number of people, mostly youngsters, with candles in their hands, shouting “We want justice, justice for Aarushi”. 

The march lacked originality since most of the placards had quotes from ‘NO ONE KILLED JESSICA’, the movie. On one hand I was disappointed with the lack of uniqueness but on the other my love for parallel cinema increased manifold. Quotes like ‘Justice has been denied, you can live with it, I can’t” and “justice delayed is justice denied” found space there.

Chandigarh based Middle Finger Protests, also known as "Human Rights Protection Group" (credited for its efforts in the movie "No One Killed Jessica") were present there and their banners read "CBI - Central Bureau of Injustice" and "CBI - Congress Bureau of Investigation".

I along with everyone shouted on the top of our voices while media captured us from every possible angle, occasionally asking us to raise our candles for a nice photograph. Media never publicized the march before it happened but now they’ll have a good story piece. I did not see the Talwars around. Probably Rajesh Talwar is scared of getting slashed (since he was recently attacked). Someone told me that he left before the march started.

  

Anyway Candles were placed and everyone signed on a piece of paper, a petition to reopen the case and gave it to the guys who organized the march.

Police wasn’t as vigilant in the case as much as they were today, ready with their sticks. We were asked to leave as soon as the time was up.

 

However, even though I signed the petition, there is only bleak hope for success. Most evidences have been destroyed and the mess was made in the beginning itself. This case runs parallel to cases like United States’ JonBenét Patricia Ramsey case which is still not solved.

Things might or might not change for this case but there is one thing which I believe will stay- “the new age hunger for justice".

Nothing

It’s not my pain

It’s hers

What will I ever lose or gain

The teary eyes

The running nose

The hysterical hands to clear off those

I heard the silence

It pinched my soul

It tells me it’s real

Without a corporeal

I try to comfort the stricken

But who will do me the same

No one knows

No one ever came

Push it too far

It’s still right there

There was no question

To the answers I gave.